As is written in the farm life sim bylaws, Stardew Valley begins the way so many do: with your character inheriting a plot of land from their dear, deceased relative. In Stardew, your kind, old grandpa gets a quick farewell scene on a rather shabby-looking deathbed where he’s conveying his final wishes for you to take over the family farm. Enter the modders, who years ago took pity on Grandpa and gave him a better bed. Suddenly the community is instead obsessed with giving Grandpa the most inglorious death possible.
As spotted by Gamesradar, one Stardew modder on the game’s subreddit rounded up several new mods in the self-declared “dying grandpa renaissance”. There sure have been an influx of new Grandpa death scenes, but if I’m not sure renaissance is the artistic nomenclature I’d choose. These Grandpa sendoffs are somewhere between surrealism and postmodernism.
Here are all the dying grandpa mods, ordered chronologically and by increasing measures of depravity:
In which Grandpa has fallen and doesn’t get up.
Grandpa’s bed is nigh imperceptibly worse than the original.
Undeniably worse than the original, Grandpa is dead, surrounded by flies, with no bed in sight.
Are we sure Grandpa is actually dead in this one?
In which the cause of death was a violent backhand drive by Evelyn.
“I’ve enclosed the deed to that place…” and his own body.
Grandpa isn’t dead, just missing.
A truly Dalí concept.
In which Joja Cola is apparently not just a soda. You know, like in the old days when they used to make it with real Joja.
How dare Grandpa leave town and leave Robin without any clients?
At least in the last one, Grandpa isn’t actually dead. Presumably he’s still dead in the rest of the game, with his grave being on the farm plot and all. It’s but a moment’s reprieve for the old man.
Modder Beepsignal (of the Family Guy death pose Grandpa) has also kindly provided a Grandpa-less intro download so that other modders can use it as a template for their own geriatric shenanigans. Get out there and make Grandpa experience even greater levels of ignominy as he shuffles into the afterlife, kids.
If you’re looking for some less meme-y Stardew Valley mods, check out our list of the best of them.