In case that headline gave you mental whiplash—yes, Baldur’s Gate 3 has a sex-based speedrun. Players have competed to see how quickly one can wet their five copper signal whistle since the game launched.
Unfortunately, Patch 4 put an end to all that by changing Lae’zel (the object of your hasty affection) by requiring you to “prove yourself worthy through your actions”. Thus sank the good ship Sex%, gaming’s most unexpectedly competitive speedrunning category. Until now.
Like a defeated underdog pulling on her boxing gloves for another round, speedrunning maestro Mae on YouTube has devised a 4:17 minute salacious speedrun. “Larian tried to patch out sex speedrunning. Unfortunately for them, we are not so easily deterred,” she writes in the video’s description. How’d she work around the Lae’zel patch, you ask? That’s the neat thing. She hasn’t.
Mae instead beelines it straight for Minthara, a companion that until recently was relegated to evil playthroughs. In order to woo Lolth’s wayward daughter in the game’s first act, though, you do still have to slaughter the druid grove. A small price for record-setting smut.
The run uses the jump-plus-feather fall combo to carry Mae’s character, the aptly-named “Justice for Sex%”, all the way to the goblin fortress, triggering the invasion by speaking with Minthara. Instead of starting a lengthy combat by long resting, though, Mae instead prompts the druids to turn on the tieflings, nicking the Idol of Sylvanas at the grove’s heart.
In a skip I didn’t even know was possible, Mae immediately long rests to skip the battle entirely—which makes sense, since Minthara’s armies can just stroll in and mop up the stragglers. By the time Justice for Sex% rises from their beauty sleep, Minthara is already there and propositioning them, ending the run.
Mae’s time is unfortunately 139 entire seconds longer than her previous record with her hot Githyanki girlfriend, but it’s nonetheless mightily impressive—and given how speedruns evolve over time, I think we can all expect to see some seconds shaved off soon. Especially since this isn’t even the only ground Mae’s broken this week, setting a new Honour Mode world record like it’s her side-gig.